Does your house "Spark Joy?"

I was recently introduced to Marie Kondo and her magic "tidying up" method through some organization articles.  After watching a couple videos, I ordered her book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and now I am hooked.

One of the statements that intrigued me, was that after following her "marathon" method, her clients never go back to untidy lifestyles.  Keep in mind, Marie Kondo mainly works with clients in Japan, where living spaces are small and keeping neat and tidy is a valued part of the culture.  So can her method work in America, land of the consumer?

There are several principles that the Kon-Mari method of decluttering is based on.

1.  You must do all the sorting at once (as nearly as possible).  Her marathon method recommends taking all of your items (by category) out at once, partly so you can see how much you have and recognize duplicates.

2.  You should follow the order of sorting she suggests (Clothes, Books, Paper, Misc., then Mementos).

3.  Rather than focusing on what you will discard, you should touch every item and decide if you want to keep it.  The criteria is whether it "sparks joy" when you hold it.

Being analytical, the "sparking joy" criteria seemed a little too variable for a disciplined criteria, but I was curious to try it.

After starting the book, I tried out the technique with my clothes.  I have been paring my closet down for a couple years now and actually have less clothes than my husband.  When I considered the "Does this spark joy?" question as I picked up shirts and pants, I started to understand the benefit.  It forces you to choose only the things that you are proud of and feel good wearing.  Why would you keep clothes that do not look good on you, just because it was a gift or you enjoyed it once?  Marie Kondo suggests you thank the discarded items for their service.  Even if it was something you never wore, it helped you know what did not look good on you.  Honestly, I was starting to feel more self confident because I truly liked the clothes that remained and had some ideas of what I needed the next time I went shopping.

There are a couple ways I would translate "spark joy" when you are considering whether to keep clothes.  

Do you like wearing it?

Do you feel good wearing it?

Does it look good on you?

I found some clothes that had got tucked away that I started wearing again.  I also found clothes that I do not feel good wearing, but got on sale.  They did not get returned to the closet, but went into the donation pile.  Now when I go in the closet, I feel good about every outfit.

I was afraid I would not have any clothes left after this round, but I have enough and it did highlight some deficiencies in my closet.  Now that I know what I need (ex. black pants), I can find some higher quality pants that I love.

Overall, I am still a little skeptical about how long before I start to notice clutter in my closets again, but I have a newly inspired respect for quality over quick and cheap.  I will continue to use the Kon-Mari method in the rest of my house and see how it goes.

For more info, Marie Kondo has a website:  http://tidyingup.com

5 Ways to Engineer your Village

I recently "read" (i.e. listened to on CD during my commute) Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi (http://keithferrazzi.com/).  The author promotes the importance of building connections, for business and for life.  He gives specific examples of how to build your network of friends and not just collect business cards.

As a mom, building connections and relationships is no less important.  You need a village to thrive, so how do you create that?

As an engineer and slight introvert, too much networking and socializing wears me out.  I feel like I do not always have time for my family, let alone a bevy of friends and neighbors.  After college it gets harder to meet people and even more so after you leave the dating scene.  But after hearing the message in Keith's book, I am convinced that continuing to build relationships is critical.  Here are some key takeaways from Never Eat Alone.

1.  Identify people you want to meet.  

Keith suggests making a list of people you want to meet to help drive your life goals, both current and longterm.  As a big fan of list making myself, I have found that the more specific I make a goal (like naming a person in the job I want), the clearer the path becomes.  If you make a list of people you want to meet, when you see them you have more incentive to talk to them or you seek them out for advice or perspective.

2.  Join a club.

What better way to meet people with similar interests than to join an organization dedicated to a specific subject.  As a working mom, mother's groups are critical for emotional support and to share ideas.  I also belong to industry focused organizations, like Society of Women Engineers.  You could even join a club for something you want to learn more about, (like writing for me).  Toastmasters is a great organization to practice speaking skills and you are typically exposed to people from varied industries and backgrounds.  In Toastmasters everyone feels vulnerable when they are giving speeches, so you tend to build strong bonds with others in your club.

3.  Invite people to lunch/coffee.

This is one that I struggle with because I like to work through meals.  I want to be able to leave work on time, so I typically eat lunch at my desk.  I need to start using the power of the network by making my meals opportunities to connect with others and drive my career, instead of just the day to day details.  This month I will work on creating stronger bonds with co-workers and maybe even get some critical negotiation or decisions

made. 

4.  Stay connected by sharing relevant news.

My main source of news these days is either Facebook or NPR on my way to and from work.  News is great for small talk and building an intro with someone.  If you find an interesting article, you can share it with someone else that may find it interesting. 

5.  Throw dinner parties.

I know, I know.  When I heard this one I thought "No way!"  My house seems to be constantly in chaos and I barely have energy to feed my family.  But then I started looking at it as a chance to connect with other families in small groups.  Now I am considering a monthly dinner/playdate with a few local families with similar age kids.

My goal for February is to build relationships, with new friends and the ones I already have.  If you hear from me, now you know why.

Attached is a calendar of suggested activities to stay on track making connections daily.

Mom Hack #1 - Delegate

When I was in college, I dressed up as Wonder Woman for Halloween.  It was my favorite costume and became one of my personal icons for many years.  It was not until I had kids that I realized my definition of "Wonder Woman" was not possible.  I could not do everything on my own.  I can still do a lot of things, but if I want to do things well, I need to prioritize and let some things go.  Basically, I need to DELEGATE.

 

This is a continuous learning process for me.  I like to do things on my own.  I like to be self sufficient.  I have a hard time asking for help.  But, like I stated above, I can not do the important things well, if I do not ask for help for some of the less critical tasks.

 

1.  Build your community - First you need to build your village of helpers.  This could be family, neighbors, mom's club members, church members, etc.  They can not only help with tasks, but give you moral support and trusted recommendations.  They can help you find a good babysitter, housekeeper or nanny to help with your tasks.  Building a network is a two way relationship.  You should offer help, support and information to them when you can, as well.  

 

2.  Prioritize what can be delegated.  First, identify the most important tasks and ones that are important to you to own yourself.  For me, that is playing games with my children in the evening, cooking (although it is also one of my biggest stresses) and laundry.  Then, identify what are less important tasks that must get done, but that you do not mind if someone else did them.  In my home, cleaning the house is at the bottom of my list.  I know it needs to get done, but I do not like it and I do not prioritize it when given the choice between cleaning and taking my kids to the zoo.  So, that is a task I delegate to professionals.  Yes, it is an added expense, but it takes a lot of stress and worry off my mind.  Another stress that I am evaluating delegating is meal planning.  I am currently trialing eMeals.com so I do not have to think about exactly what I will cook at the beginning of the week.

 

3.  Be Gracious to others.  Make sure to thank those that help you.  Thank you cards or small gifts (like home made cookies or chocolate) go a long way. 

 

4.  Give yourself Grace.  Delegating work or tasks does not mean you are a failure or a bad mom.  Identifying when you need help is a very important leadership skill.  If you look at the best leaders, they surround themselves with experts and skilled people so they do not need to do or know everything.

The process of delegation can also (and should be) applied to your work as well.  Take some time to re-evaluate your task list and priorities and identify something NEW to delegate today.